


Remember me

by Ruquas



Series: Winterhawk Bingo [14]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Amnesia, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, WinterHawk Bingo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-14 02:50:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20593463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruquas/pseuds/Ruquas
Summary: Clint got hurt. Nothing usual with that, that just happens. But it still doesn't explain who the good looking guy with the metal arm is or why he's so sad.





	1. Broken

When he woke up, everything was like put in cotton. He couldn‘t hear right, and it was like his vision was swimming.

And his head hurt. God, it hurt so much. Whoever got him probably got him real good.

And then there was suddenly light in his eyes and someone tried to talk to him and _how the hell_ did he got into a room at the hospital? Fuck, that shit was too expensive, and they would need his ID and he was just fucked. The light disappeared and a nice looking woman tried to talk to him but he just shook his head, trying to point at his head and his vision was still kind of swimming and everything was just a blur for a short time. Then there was someone at his ear and Clint flinched, just to flinch again when the sounds came back, when the world came back and he could hear the beeping of a heart monitor and the voice of the woman.

„… Barton, we just need to check if everything is fine and if there are any lasting damages.“, she said and he just really hoped that she would disappear fast enough that he could get out of here.

„How long?“, he croaked, startled at the sound of his own voice. Deeper, somehow. God, how long had he been here already? The doctor thankfully understood his question.

„A bit longer than a week, nine days to be precise, which is mostly the reason…“, she started but Clint almost doubled over even though he was still half sitting.

_Nine days?!_

God, his brother would kill him. Trick Shot would kill him. If they were still in town, that‘s it. He tried to sit up but everything began to spin and maybe that hadn‘t been a good idea.

„Stop that. You have at least a heavy concussion, had a hole in the head, a cheekbone is fractured and your nose is broken. Your left ear got damaged and your hearing has probably reduced a bit more than it already was. And we are not even talking about the other injuries. So – do not sit up.“, the doctor said sternly and Clint groaned, tried to nod but it hurt so much. At least now he knew why every… 

_Fuck._ She had called him Barton so someone must have given her his real name and that was bad.

„Okay.“, he croaked again, carefully looking around, seeing a glass of water, but his hand didn‘t moved like he wanted and everything was still so fuzzy.

„I need you to answer a few questions first. What is your name?“

Well, no need in lying anymore, obviously.

„Clinton Francis Barton.“

The doctor raised her eyebrow and noted something down while Clint tried to go for the glass again and then there was suddenly a metal hand taking the glass and holding it at his lips and it told a lot about him that he didn‘t even flinched, but lord, he was thirsty.

When the glass was drained it disappeared and Clint looked up. The metal hand was attached to a guy with a whole metal arm, shaggy long hair who looked as if he hadn‘t slept in months. But the small smile on his face looked relieved and kind of nice.

„Don‘t do that again, idiot. I was almost concerned.“

And Clint heard the doctor asking which year they had but he was still looking at the guy and then he realized that he sounded as if they would know each other.

„… Who are you?“, he asks. The mans face just… shut off before looking at the doctor who didn‘t really looked happy at all.

„Mister Barton. What year?“, she repeats and Clint didn‘t knew why it was important, only that the man didn‘t smile anymore and that was sad. The smile had been nice.

„1993.“


	2. Numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for the Winterhawk Bingo; I2

Bucky felt numb.

He should be happy. Clint fell out of the quinjet and into a fucking pond and was still alive, even though he had been badly injured even before the fall.

Clint didn‘t even had something bad. Just a few broken ribs, a concussion, a broken nose. Nothing bad.

Except that he couldn‘t remember Bucky. Couldn‘t remember the Avengers. Couldn‘t remember leaving the circus. Couldn‘t remember the last fucking 25 years.

Bucky felt the tears burning in his eyes but he couldn‘t let them out or he wouldn‘t stop and Clint was only dressing in the bathroom and could come out anytime.

God, how distrustful Clint had looked at him when the doctor told him that they had 2018. How distrustful he had looked at Bucky when the doctor told him they knew each other.

She hadn‘t given him any more information, only told Bucky to let it come back slowly, not to force anything.

Well, it wasn‘t her boyfriend that just forgot about her, wasn‘t it? And the look in Clint‘s eyes… Clint had never been afraid of him. Had never been distrustful of him. And now he looked at Bucky as if he would just shoot him.

„Uhm. We can go.“, Clint said. Bucky swallowed and nodded, started walking without looking if Clint followed. If he would turn around the chances were high that he would stare. 

Clint didn‘t say anything until they were in the car.

„So… how good do we know each other?“

„Doctor said not to tell you anything and that it will come back probably.“, Bucky answered and Clint just… looked at him.

„I will know as soon as we are where ever you bring me.“, Clint tried and Bucky shook his head. No, Clint wouldn‘t because Bucky had already called Steve and Steve had told Tony to get a generic floor ready for Clint.

Bucky didn‘t understand much of those things, but he was pretty sure it would be forcing things when Clint discovered that he shared the bed with Bucky every night.

„Okay. Then I won‘t. Will there be… more people? Doctor Cho told me about a team?“, Clint asked, voice just wavering slightly. Bucky nodded.

„Yeah. You… we work with a few people. They live there, too, but everyone has their own floor if they want quiet.“

„Where‘s Barney?“

And there was it. The dreaded question, the question Bucky didn‘t really knew how to answer. How do you explain that your brother and your mentor just left you for dead without telling him too much?

„Not with us. Never knew him.“, Bucky decided to say because it was safe.

Clint frowned but nodded and then looked out of the window, lost in thoughts. He didn‘t say another word. 

Clint remained silent even when they were at the tower, checking out the exits in every room, got nervous in the elevator and just gawked at the sight he had from his floor.

He didn‘t even recognized Natalia and even though Bucky was sure no one else could say, he saw the hurt in her eyes.

It didn‘t surprise him when she joined him on the roof, not even bothering to ask if she could have a cigarette before lightening it.

„Will he be better?“, she asked, voice small almost like the little girl he once knew.

He shrugged, felt a tear running down his cheek.

„I hope so. Everything else would be… I don‘t think I could handle that.“, he admitted and Natalia just nodded, looking at the skyline before throwing the cigarette down from the roof and disappearing again.

Bucky kind of wanted to follow the cigarette, even if it was just to numb his feelings.


	3. Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for the Winterhawk Bingo; G4

„Why do I feel like I _should_ remember you? Like there‘s something missing?“

Bucky almost let go of the mug in his hand. He hadn‘t heard Clint coming, wasn‘t able to tell since Clint lost his memories and… well, that only told them all how much Clint had changed and how deadly he really could‘ve been if he wanted to be.

Bucky sighed and opened his mouth, but couldn‘t get anything out before Clint interrupted him.

„No. Don‘t tell me that shit again that the doctors want everything to come naturally. I remember bits and pieces and I know we were… are friends. But every time I try to think of more it‘s always sadness mixed with comfort. Why?“

Bucky looked down at his tea, slowly getting cold. He didn‘t knew if Clint remembered Loki. Didn‘t knew if Clint even _knew_ about Loki. Didn‘t knew if Clint knew who Bucky was. Didn‘t knew how much he had helped Bucky just with sharing memories, even though they didn‘t really were on the same page. Just like Clint always said, seventy years of mind control were something different than two days. But it still stayed the same, at least for them.

„Uhm. Just don‘t rat me out to the doctors. Doctor Cho can be quite… scary if she wants to be.“

Clint eyes light up, just a tiny bit and his face was still a mask when he nodded, but Bucky would take it.

„I‘ve been with an organization. Well, not necessarily been with, more like they captured me and turned my brain into scrambled eggs, brainwashed me. I murdered for them around maybe seventy years.“

Clint‘s eyebrows rose but he didn‘t said anything. Well, he had been given material to catch up the missing time, so he probably already knew about Steve being a hundred years old.

„Well, anyway, when I came in you just… you was there. You‘ve been captured by a god or something a few years ago and he took control of you, made you his own brainwashed assassin. Just a couple days, but you killed a lot of people during that time. And we just… bonded.“

Clint nodded, still looking at him with sharp eyes.

„So… we have kind of the same trauma? Not that I would compare two days to seven decades, but still.“

Bucky snorted and nodded.

„Yeah. You already said that. But yes. We have the same… experience with having our minds fucked.“

Clint nodded again and Bucky slowly walked past him. That was already draining enough for today and it wasn‘t even eleven a.m.

„Is that why I feel so cold sometimes?“, Clint asked and Bucky stopped.

„Yes, at least that‘s what you told me.“

Clint didn‘t say anything else so Bucky sat down on the couch, turning on the TV and muting it immediately.

„I get that we bonded over the brainwash thing.“, Clint said a few minutes later.

„But why do I sometimes have the feeling that the cold would go away if I hugged you? Or would be just near you?“

Bucky swallowed. There… was probably not a right answer.

„It sometimes helped.“, he still croaked out and yeah, that was the truth, sure. But it still felt like the biggest lie he ever had to tell.


	4. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for the Winterhawk Bingo; G3

It took weeks until Clint came to Buckys floor the first time.

Through the vents.

It was so normal that Bucky needed to think a bit before he realized why Clint looked kind of shocked, seeing the evidences that they usually lived together.

„Hu. I was right?“

„About?“

„That we at least fucked.“

Well, that was blunt. Bucky shrugged.

„Yeah. That‘s why you had almost nothing personal on your floor.“

This time, Clint looked at him as if Bucky went nuts.

„My bow was there. What else should I have?“

And Bucky knew it was wrong, knew he shouldn‘t do it, but he got up and went into the bedroom, got the emergency bag out from under the bed where Clint kept it and just dumped it into the archers lap who sat down in the meantime.

„What‘s that?“, Clint asked, already opening it because at least that was the same. Or was the same again. Bucky couldn‘t tell because quite a few memories came back to Clint, not in order and not always making sense to him, but they were coming back.

He had remembered Natalia‘s birthday. Something they usually celebrated without anyone else knowing if the reaction from Natalia was an indicator when Clint brought her a book wrapped as a gift, but she had smiled and that gave Bucky hope. Hope that one day Clint would maybe come to their bed again. That Bucky could hug him again.

„Your emergency bag. Just in case you have to go.“

Clint raised an eyebrow and took a framed photo of Coulson, Natalia and Clint out of it, put it on the desk next to a small hawk plushi he got from Tony, followed by a handwritten recipe from Bruce for curry (Clint had learned it by heart just so he could add it to the bag), his dog tags Fury gave him after Clint joined S.H.I.E.L.D., the picture of a dog Steve had drawn for him. And then, finally, the goggles Bucky wore the first time when they had met, still as Winter Soldier and Hawkeye, on that day on the bridge.

„Those… don‘t belong in an emergency bag.“, Clint whispered while looking at the hawk. It had been a gag from Tony but Clint loved that thing.

„For you, they do.“

Clint swallowed and tried to brush away the tears.

„This… this is all mine?“, he asked, voice breaking.

Bucky shrugged.

„Well, not only this. A lot of things around here belong to you. But those were the most important things to you next to your bow, so they went into the bag.“

Clint nodded and played with the goggles before carefully putting everything away again, taking a long look at the picture, probably trying to remember when it was taken or trying to remember who Coulson had been.

„I never owned things.“, he whispered and Bucky should tell Clint that he never talked about _before_, not really. Bits and pieces of the circus, but never really much.

He didn‘t because it seemed that Clint needed it.

„Not even when my parents where still alive. We only had the things we needed because everything else was just too expensive. And at the orphanage we didn‘t own anything, either, not even more than two sets of clothes, because most things just got stolen or lost when you moved around as much as we did and then we were at the circus and… it was already nice having a roof over your head and not getting beaten every night, you know? And sometimes, we even got fresh food at the circus and that was just… the best. Never really wanted anything else.“, Clint whispers, still looking at the picture.

Bucky swallowed because he had seen Clint with food. Had seen how carefully he was. How careful he was not to waste anything. Just like his mother had done it. It broke his heart to know that Clint really had that shitty childhood Bucky had imagined, that his respect for food wasn‘t something he learned because he could but because he had to.

„Well, now you have.“, he said and froze a bit when Clint leaned into him.

„The man looks nice.“, Clint said instead, ignoring the way Bucky froze.

„Don‘t know, never knew him. You spoke highly of him. Natalia threatened once to kill a S.H.I.E.LD. agent who spoke bad about him.“

Clint nodded and put the photo back into the bag, closing it slowly.

„I like you.“, he whispered, almost as if he was afraid that Bucky could hear him.

„I really wish I would remember you better. That… everything would be just there again.“, Clint continued. Carefully, Bucky wrapped an arm around Clint‘s waist.

„We get there, somehow. Maybe we just need to get to know each other again, if you want.“

„That would be nice. Until now, most memories are bad. I want some happy ones, too.“

„That won‘t be a problem, doll. We are here for you.“

Clint hesiated before he stood up and walked to the door, throwing a shy smile over his face.

„Yeah. Maybe new ones with you, too? Just… maybe think about it, yeah?“

Bucky couldn‘t answer because there was a lump in his throat and Clint didn‘t seem to expect one.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find [my Tumblr here](https://ruquas-dreambell.tumblr.com/). If you have a request or anything, just let me know it there :)


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